


Getting to the Pinot

by katherynmae



Category: Wentworth (TV)
Genre: F/F, episode tag: 3x08
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-28
Updated: 2015-05-28
Packaged: 2018-04-01 15:44:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,508
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4025587
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/katherynmae/pseuds/katherynmae
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For leaving so quickly, Vera had to have forgotten something behind at Joan's after their fated dinner together. And of course, she choses to come back that evening to retrieve it instead of waiting to ask her the next day.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Getting to the Pinot

**Author's Note:**

> Spoilers for "Goldfish" obviously. 
> 
> And the title is a play on words - instead of 'getting to the point', the mention of pinot seemed a bit more fitting.

Brushing her fingers against her napkin once more, Joan Ferguson stared at the empty place setting across from her. Moving to drop her hands back to the table, she flinched at the sound as her hands knocked her fork across her plate. Lips pursing, she found her gaze drawn to the door once more and she swallowed, returning the fork to its place. In the back of her mind, she wondered if it made sense to continue her quiet dinner alone, and she stood, her glass and the wine bottle in hand. 

Making her way to the kitchen, Joan paused at the sink for a moment, wondering if the sliver of heart she had left for her deputy meant that she should save the rest for another time.  Instead, she tipped the mouth of the bottle towards the sink, watching the deep red wine swirl towards the drain. Setting the empty bottle besides the sink, Joan stared at her glass, half torn between drinking it out of guilt or draining it as well. After a swig, she set it down, her gaze focusing on the plates on the table once more. Turning back to collect them, she paused, hearing the echo of footsteps on her front walk once again. Cursing herself, she leaned against the counter, hovering as far from the door as she could. 

She already knew who was on the other side of the door and as the buzzer echoed through the house, Joan let a curse slip through her lips. The last thing that she wanted to do was open the door to see her deputy once again and she hissed softly as she made her way to the door. Hand settling on the knob, she pulled open the door again, having the oddest sense of déjà vu as she blinked coldly back down at Vera. 

“I, uh, left my scarf." Just managing to squeak out the words, Vera Bennett blinked up at Joan for a brief moment. “May I?” She rocked on her toes, looking just as unhappy to be standing on Joan’s doorstep as Joan was to see her. 

Wordlessly, Joan stepped back, gesturing for Vera to collect the forgotten item and she turned back towards the dining room table, thinking it were much easier to avoid her as she lifted her plate into her hands. Moving to collect Vera's abandon plate, Joan glanced up to where she hovered in the door, glancing quietly around the main floor again. Bringing the plates into the kitchen, Joan scrapped the remnants of their meals into the garage, letting out a quiet exhale. “Yes?”

“You...you...I don’t even know where I’m supposed to begin anymore.” Making her way back to the dining room table, Vera paused to glance down at the fishbowl besides it, admiring the way the goldfish seemed to acknowledge her presence. “I have far too many things that I would like to say to you.”

The plates clattered in the sink a bit louder than Joan intended and she blinked at Vera as she turned, “Why don’t we start with you accusing me of not caring about you and we do this dinner over again?”

Not wanting to make a crass mention to the fact that she wasn’t oblivious to the empty wine bottle and the fact that the dinner Joan had prepared was already deposited in the garbage, she inhaled slowly. “I wanted dinner to go a bit differently.” Taking another step, Vera dropped into the seat that she had vacated minutes before, “I had high hopes for our dinner and evening.” Biting her lip, Vera stared at her hands, relaxing what she had said and she gave herself a small shake to steady herself. 

Voice dropping, Joan returned to the table to collect Vera’s wine glass and napkins, blinking in return. “So did I.” Leaving those items in the sink as well, Joan circled the table to press her hands to the wood surface, “You may not see it, but I do care about you Vera, and I’ll repeat it until you hear otherwise.” She paused, seeing Vera’s eyes go wide and she had to busy herself with another distraction again. Moving to stand besides her goldfish, she twisted off the top of the feed and sprinkled it into the bowl, the faintest glimmer of a smile on her lips as it darted to catch the feed in its mouth. 

“I’m fine, by the way.” Shifting in her chair to stare at Joan, Vera bit her lip and she kept her hands folded in her lap as she eyed the way the goldfish darted around the bowl. “Though I don’t know if you care.” She meant to say something different but she clamped a hand over her mouth once she spoke, blinking in surprise at herself. Joan has just admitted that she cared and she was already making jabs at her, “I should go.”

Moving to catch Vera’s arm as she stood, Joan froze, blinking down at her once more and she felt her features soften. “You can’t keep everything hidden forever.” She knew she had to practice what she preached and she nodded at the couch in the sitting room, “Go sit.”

Words echoing in the back of her mind, Vera made her way to the couch and dropped onto it. She reached to twirl the fabric of her skirt between her fingers, watching as Joan made her way around the kitchen and she let the flicker of a smile creep into her features. A part of her regretted coming back for her scarf, knowing she could have simply asked for it the next day, but she found herself far too relieved that she was sitting on Joan’s couch, watching her move about the kitchen. Glancing back down at her knees, she tugged at her skirt, squirming as she blinked up at Joan as she placed a glass of water in front of her. “Thank you.” Her voice hitched in her throat and Vera was a bit unsure of how much space to leave her as she scooted to the corner of the couch. 

“How are you doing Vera?” Setting down her own water, Joan crossed her ankles together, a bit stunned at the first words that slipped from her lips. She had begun to wonder exactly what had been going on with her for the past few weeks. Lips pursed together, she folded her hands neatly in her lap, blinking at her with such an expression of wonder and concern that Vera had to steady herself. 

“How would you expect me to be doing?” Mumbling through gritted teeth, Vera shifted on her corner of the couch, not wanting to meet Joan’s gaze. “How the hell would you imagine that I would be doing?” Tugging at her skirt again, she swallowed, her voice shaking as she spoke, “Or do you not care?”

At Vera’s second dig, Joan blinked at her, an eyebrow arching as she let out a hiss of air between her teeth. “If you're going to keep up the comments then maybe it's best that you do leave.” Her gaze darted to where Vera was tugging on her skirt and she had to curse inwardly when she realized what she had said, after all, she wanted to encourage Vera to open up to her and so they could begin to repair what they knew was crumbling around them. “No good can come from opening yourself up to me.” 

Biting the inside of her cheek, Vera let out a soft hiss of air, unsure if she was ready to meet Joan’s gaze and she gave the tiniest of nods at her. “Can I ask you something? Something about the riot? And can you give me a straight answer? No dodging the question, I want the truth.” Reaching for her glass, she tipped it against her lips, enjoying the coolness as she blinked over the rim of her glass. “I deserve that much.”

“What exactly are you asking me?” Joan was pretty certain that she knew what Vera wanted to know and she mirrored Vera’s small nod. 

“Why?"

The single word sent a chill down Joan’s spine and she swallowed once more, as if she could handle the replay of the riot’s events in her mind once more. Twisting her hands in her lap, it was Joan’s turn to gulp down her glass of water and she exhaled slowly. She had to close her eyes at the memory of Vera’s frightened face and she let out a soft exhale, wiping her hands on her slacks. “It’s complicated Vera.” The minute she spoke, Joan stopped, choosing her words carefully as she swallowed, “There was choices I had to make, you know that.” 

“Don’t give me a sob story about that day, it was _me_.” Voice shaking, Vera’s knuckles tightened against the hem of her skirt and she had to inhale sharply, her composure falling. “It was _me_ with the needle to my throat, not Fletcher, or Miles, or Jackson, or any other one of the officers. It was _me_ , Joan. Me.” Her voice faltered as she blinked at Joan and she could feel the tears welling up in the corner of her eyes, “You couldn’t open the door for _me_.” 

Usually Joan could find herself withdrawing back in these moments, determined to keep her calm and reassuring side at bay for a few more moments and she nodded slowly. “Vera, you know what would have happened if I had given in.” 

“I probably wouldn’t have Hepatitis C if you had.” Vera’s voice was soft, barely a whisper and she stared somewhere between Joan’s eyes as she spoke. Her hands shook as she reached to brush against her neck and she straightened up, trying to urge herself to meet Joan’s gaze. “I wouldn’t be such a danger to you if you had given in.” As she realized what she had said, Vera bit her cheek, hand flying to cover the gasp she let out as she blinked across the couch, unsure whether keeping her gaze on Joan was the best idea. 

“You’re afraid you’re a danger to me?” Joan arched an eyebrow at her and she couldn’t help but shift to pull Vera’s hand from her mouth, returning it to rest in her lap. “Why on earth would you think you’re a danger to me? I’ve always considered you a friend Vera, and scaring you off from being anything but that is something I wouldn’t do.” She paused, sensing Vera relax slightly besides her and she reached to touch her knuckles softly, running her fingers over her skin. “At least not intentionally.” 

Once again, Vera bit the inside of her cheek and she swallowed, blinking to force the tears back once more. “But you did. And now, now I have this _fucking_ disease and I have to keep myself at arms length from anyone who comes near me. I can’t be _normal_ anymore, not to mention think of finding anyone. Who’s going to love me when they find out?” Her voice cracked and she sagged against the couch, a few hot tears slipping down her cheeks as she took a ragged breath, “Who would ever love someone like me?” 

Reaching forwards, Joan stretched out a hand, placing it a bit awkwardly on Vera’s knee and she patted it softly. She had to steady herself to keep from shaking herself as she settled her hand atop of Vera’s and she curled her fingers around her smaller hand. Emotions weren’t her strong point, nor was comforting anyone who showed them, and she stared down at Vera’s tiny hand in hers. “Oh Vera, your disease doesn’t define you. How you’re going to deal with it defines you. ” 

Blinking, Vera exhaled slowly, trying to compose herself and she blinked at Joan, tears still staining her cheeks. “How do you know what I need right now? All you’ve done is shut me out and go behind my back lately. How can I believe you when I don’t know who you are anymore? You’re not the governor who I met last year, sometimes I think I see her, but it’s not you. Something is different about you, about how you treat me, and I want to know why.” 

Vera’s words caught Joan off guard and she froze, hand still resting atop of Vera’s and she swallowed, unsure of what the proper response, or even any response could be. Straightening up, Joan pulled her hand from Vera’s long enough to wipe her hand against her slacks again, cringing as she realized her hands had become sweaty with nerves and she nodded slowly, “I’m not the only one who has changed Vera.” Instead of taking Vera’s hand again, Joan rested her hands in her lap, hoping that Vera hadn’t noticed how uneasy she had become. “You’ve changed too, though albeit in a better way than I expected from you.” Pausing, her voice dropped and she had to let out a hiss of air before going on, “You could be governor you know, if something were to happen. I don't think I would have told you that a year ago.”

Shifting in her seat, Vera blinked at her hands as she pieced together what Joan had said to her and she furrowed her brow in confusion. “I _could_ be governor now because _you_ mentored me. You helped me grow into this person who, well, I’m a bit glad to be. But now I don’t even know who you are anymore, you’re not the woman who mentored me and helped me grow and now, now when I need help, I don’t even feel wanted anymore. I can’t keep being a good deputy if I don’t even feel wanted. This isn’t fair to me, I deserve better and when I need someone to tell me that I’m doing the right thing, I want the woman who taught me to grow into who I am today to approve.” She was nearly shaking as she went on, her voice cracking as she spoke and she swallowed hard, her eyes fixed on Joan’s, “Do you know how it feels when the one person you’ve always wanted to approve of you, to respect you, makes you feel so unwanted? I’ve felt a lot of things in my life, but I haven’t ever been so scared that the woman I love wouldn’t approve of something I’ve done.” 

Freezing, Vera clapped a hand back over her mouth, trying to replay her rant in her head and she swallowed, blinking furiously to cover her slip. With her free hand, she reached for the now lukewarm water glass that sat on the table and she lifted it to her lips, not stopping until the glass was empty and she exhaled slowly. She knew she rambled when she was drunk, but she had never known that she did it when angry as well. Setting the glass back on the table with an unnecessarily loud clink, she let out the breath that she had been holding, staring curiously at Joan. 

“It was never my intention to make you feel unwanted Vera.” Reaching to touch Vera’s hand once more, Joan felt herself relaxing as she brushed her fingers across the back of her deputy’s hand and she managed the smallest of smiles at her. “I care about you. I always have but truth be told, I’m no good with words myself.” She smiled a bit more and nodded when Vera tipped her head to the side to stare at her, “You’re a wonderful deputy Vera, that’s something that I need you to know, and I have been distant, but you have been professional. You’ve been much more level headed than I have been the past few weeks and I thank you for that one.” The more she spoke, the stranger it seemed to be opening herself up to Vera and Joan blinked at the way her fingers brushed over Vera’s skin, “Another reason that you would be a good governor one day.” 

Standing suddenly, Vera moved brush her hands against her skirt and she let out a soft sigh, “I should … I should go. I have things to do at home tonight.” She paused, hearing Joan stand to follow her and she paused, glancing down at the goldfish in the bowl for a moment and she smiled weakly, trying to find humor in the moment. “I don’t know if thanking you for dinner is appropriate but thank you.” Hovering by the door, she swallowed, “It was nice.” 

Offering Vera her jacket, Joan hovered awkwardly besides her, watching as she rewound her scarf around her shoulders, blinking at her. “It was nice.” She couldn’t bring herself to thank her for the wine and she had to curse herself for the twitch at the corner of the lips as Vera blinked fondly at her. As Vera moved to hoist her purse into the crook of her arm, Joan reached to brush her fingers against against her elbow, “And Vera, you’re not going to be alone.” She could almost feel Vera flinch away and she curled her fingers around her arm, bending to stare at her for a moment, her breath making Vera’s hair flutter ever so faintly.

“I’m not scared of being alone.” Vera’s breath hitched in her throat as Joan’s fingers brushed over the fabric of her sweater and she had to keep from blinking, “I’m scared of not finding someone to love me.” Joan’s breath was warm on her cheek and almost instinctively, she found herself stretching onto the balls of her feet, hearing her shoes squeak faintly on the wood floors. She wasn’t exactly sure who kissed who, as it seemed they had moved in at the exact moment and she found herself being wrapped up into a rather unexpected, but awkward, embrace. 

Joan’s fingers dug into the crook of Vera’s elbow, holding her to her side, as if she was scared she would run the minute she let go and she let out a soft exhale against her skin. She was first to pull backwards and she straightened up, releasing Vera as she moved. Brushing her hands over her blouse to straighten it, she stepped backwards, hesitantly meeting Vera’s gaze. Clearing her throat, she watched as Vera ran her fingers over her lip, as if trying to process what had just happened. 

“I…you heard me earlier, did you?” Vera rested her fingers on her chin as she spoke, her eyes wide in surprise as she rocked slowly on her toes. “That’s why you did … that.” She ran her fingers over her lips again, as if to make sure that she wasn’t dreaming and she blinked back at Joan once again. “You … you kissed me.” 

Nodding back at her, Joan swallowed, as if Vera’s words and their kiss had rendered her speechless and she hesitated. “You weren’t exactly discrete about what you said Vera. You may not have meant to say it, but you did and I heard every word.” Reaching to brush her fingers against Vera’s hand, she blinked at her, her voice carrying the faintest trace of laugher, “Even if you didn’t want me to hear it.” 

Vera shifted on her feet again, unsure of how to react and she swallowed, a bit relieved that Joan had heard her. “I should … I best be … I’ll see you tomorrow?” There was so much more that she wanted to say, even more so now than before she had stepped back into Joan’s house to retrieve her scarf. She opened the door, a cool rush of evening air sweeping in around them and she blinked at Joan, meeting her gaze as she hovered on the threshold. 

“Of course.” Joan’s face almost seemed to fall at the fact that Vera still seemed eager to leave and she moved to rest a hand on the door before Vera could close it. “And Vera? Not a word to anyone about this.” The faint traces of her smile were back and as Vera managed a smile in return, the corners of her mouth twitched upwards and she nodded slowly, “We can’t have the rest of the prison knowing exactly how good of a deputy you are.” She almost seemed to laugh along with Vera and she reached to brush her fingers against the side of Vera’s cheek as they hovered in the doorway together, “I will see you tomorrow.” 

Instead of closing the door, Joan waited until Vera had made her way down the front walk and she leaned on the door. As Vera got into her car, Joan stepped back, letting the door swing shut behind her and she glanced down to straighten out the mat in front of the door. Glancing around her house, she eyed the unwashed dishes in the sink, a bit surprised she had had let them sit for so long and she made her way towards them, knowing that her nightly routine would begin to change ever so slightly now. 


End file.
